Comments on: Not Your Mama’s “I Think We Should See Other People” http://www.splintergeneration.com/not-your-mamas-i-think-we-should-see-other-people/ Thu, 17 May 2012 16:09:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: River http://www.splintergeneration.com/not-your-mamas-i-think-we-should-see-other-people/comment-page-1/#comment-3543 River Sun, 22 May 2011 02:53:49 +0000 http://www.splintergeneration.com/?p=1377#comment-3543 In response to the comment above: Good point. However, I believe this article is pointing out how this particular man, and some young people may adopt that label while exploring a non-mainstream paradigm of defining relationships while they are also casually dating. It is possible to have some level of commitment to multiple people, I've seen a few people do it. However, much like monogamous boundaries in relationships lend themselves to infidelity (as is evidences by high divorce rates), polyamorous boundaries seem to make relationships prone to a lack of depth. My opinion is based on observation, and limited studies published on the subject in psychology journals. It would be interesting to see more studies on the subject. Of course, mutual honesty, including accepting no for an answer and knowing when something is not working and it is time to move on is important in all relationships; serious or casual, open or monogamous. In response to the comment above: Good point. However, I believe this article is pointing out how this particular man, and some young people may adopt that label while exploring a non-mainstream paradigm of defining relationships while they are also casually dating. It is possible to have some level of commitment to multiple people, I’ve seen a few people do it. However, much like monogamous boundaries in relationships lend themselves to infidelity (as is evidences by high divorce rates), polyamorous boundaries seem to make relationships prone to a lack of depth. My opinion is based on observation, and limited studies published on the subject in psychology journals. It would be interesting to see more studies on the subject. Of course, mutual honesty, including accepting no for an answer and knowing when something is not working and it is time to move on is important in all relationships; serious or casual, open or monogamous.

]]> By: Ash http://www.splintergeneration.com/not-your-mamas-i-think-we-should-see-other-people/comment-page-1/#comment-937 Ash Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:58:42 +0000 http://www.splintergeneration.com/?p=1377#comment-937 Polyamoury is very poorly understood as a concept and despite its positive intentions, I don't think this article adequately enlightens people about it Although this article is great in some ways (particularly the admonishment to beware labels), it also creates some confusion by stating: "Sue’s date had adopted polyamory as a sort of open-ended playing card. He was up-front about it so that if a week, a month, ten years into their hypothetical relationship, something happened that might under other circumstances be labeled as cheating or infidelity, in his case it would just be par for the course." This suggests that polyamory, as a lifestyle choice, is really just a way of avoiding the charge of cheating or infidelity. A careful reader will understand that the author is drawing a distinction between polyamoury as an ethical lifestyle, and Sue's date, who is using the concept as a get-out-of-jail-free card. But the distinction isn't very explicit and ultimately this article serve to reinforce the idea that open relationships are wrong, impossible, and doomed from the start. Which plainly isn't the case - there are many people who make poly work in their love lives. It isn't for everyone, but it can work wonderfully - especially if both parties commit to mutual honesty, as this article's author recommends. Polyamoury is very poorly understood as a concept and despite its positive intentions, I don’t think this article adequately enlightens people about it

Although this article is great in some ways (particularly the admonishment to beware labels), it also creates some confusion by stating:

“Sue’s date had adopted polyamory as a sort of open-ended playing card. He was up-front about it so that if a week, a month, ten years into their hypothetical relationship, something happened that might under other circumstances be labeled as cheating or infidelity, in his case it would just be par for the course.”

This suggests that polyamory, as a lifestyle choice, is really just a way of avoiding the charge of cheating or infidelity. A careful reader will understand that the author is drawing a distinction between polyamoury as an ethical lifestyle, and Sue’s date, who is using the concept as a get-out-of-jail-free card.

But the distinction isn’t very explicit and ultimately this article serve to reinforce the idea that open relationships are wrong, impossible, and doomed from the start.

Which plainly isn’t the case - there are many people who make poly work in their love lives. It isn’t for everyone, but it can work wonderfully - especially if both parties commit to mutual honesty, as this article’s author recommends.

]]> By: Jessie carty http://www.splintergeneration.com/not-your-mamas-i-think-we-should-see-other-people/comment-page-1/#comment-936 Jessie carty Tue, 27 Apr 2010 00:01:18 +0000 http://www.splintergeneration.com/?p=1377#comment-936 I am happily married and have been for most if the last 12 years but I'm fascinated by alternative lifestyles and this was a great read. It was also very well written :) I am happily married and have been for most if the last 12 years but I’m fascinated by alternative lifestyles and this was a great read. It was also very well written :)

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